The Impossible Year
“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…” -Charles Dickens
On my last day of work, 2022, I was told that I would be losing my job in about 90 days time. It wasn’t from anything within my control. The company was simply changing their strategy and our small site of about 21 people had found its way to the chopping block in favor of less, but larger sites moving forward. At a time like that, when all you’ve worked for the last seven years is disappearing it can be easy to get down in the dumps. 2023 just might be the worst of times.
I left the next morning for my annual new years trip determined to not let the news ruin my good time. I wanted to enjoy the weekend and forget about the inevitable challenges ahead of me in the weeks to come. Or at least try to forget the best one can in the circumstances. Outwardly I think I did a decent job, but inside my mind was spinning. As I enjoyed the fruits of my labor, I couldn’t help but wonder if this might be the last time I would be able to afford a trip like this. I’d come a long way since I was living in a camper with no electricity or running water and I wasn’t looking to go back anytime soon.
I managed to come to terms with reality though and as the clock struck midnight I thought about new years resolutions. They’ve never been something I was too keen on, but this year felt different. Up until a few days before, 2022 had been good to me. I’d gotten in great shape, I was making more money than ever, I had a great relationship, I’d done a lot of traveling, and I was excited for it all to continue. I’d been looking forward to another great year of building on my past progress when suddenly there was a wall up in front of me. I realized that I was at another pivotal moment in my life, much like the one about 10 years ago.
It was 2013, and I found myself lying on the floor of my apartment in tears. Years before the whole world felt full of possibilities. I was young, ambitious, and certain that I was going to find success. Now, I was in the dark because I couldn’t afford to pay the electric bill. Hungry because I didn’t have any money to buy food. Living instead off a pack of hotdogs and ramen that someone had given me. Worse yet, I was days away from being evicted because I was behind on rent. I’d had a roommate, but he bailed on me without ever paying his share of rent and despite my plea’s, the apartment complex was clear that I was responsible for coming up with all of the rent myself. I’d spent through what savings I had and maxed out my credit cards keeping afloat, but now I was at the end of the rope and I felt helpless.
As I lay their crying, I scrambled to find a way out of the situation. For a brief moment, thoughts of suicide crept in. After all, if this was what the rest of my life would be like then I’d rather not live it. As quickly as they came though, I dismissed them. There had to be another way. Financially speaking, this was a math problem. So what did the math say I needed to get through it? I put pen to paper and ran through scenarios. In the end, $400 was what was holding me back. I swallowed my pride and went to my stepdad for help.
I still remember sitting on the front porch of my grandma’s old house, my voice shaking as I asked him to borrow the money. It wasn’t much, but it let me keep a place to live for one more month and it bought me a little time. He didn’t hesitate and looking back it’s crazy to think how dark my thoughts went over such a relatively little amount. In moments where you feel helpless, the littlest things can somehow keep you going. Over the next month, I managed to find a roommate to move in and help out with the rent. I got the lights back on and clawed my way through the next few months until my lease was up. I moved in with my parents again for a few months and bought a camper which my stepdad let me park in the back of his landscape store. It didn’t have electricity, heat, air conditioning or running water, but it was a place for me to live that had only cost me $500.
I went to work for him mowing lawns, plowing snow, and more. Continuing to save up so I could get back on my feet. I had a gas grill that I cooked my food on and I got a gym membership so I could work out and have a place to shower. When it was too hot or too cold, I would go to the library and read or get on the computer and pass the time. I paid off my credit cards and got a little money saved up. Over the next decade, I’d get an apartment and then buy a house. I’d switch jobs a couple of times before promoting through the ranks at my current employer. I’d travel regularly, make new friends, grow and then shut down my business, and every year would seem to get better and better. I’d come a long way from lying on my floor thinking about ending it all.
Sometimes life is really good to you. Sometimes it smacks you in the face. I’d come a long way since 2013, but I couldn’t help notice the similarities. Here I was, yet again, at a point in my life where I had a choice to make. On one hand, I could give up. I could consider myself having tried and failed and I could accept that this would be a terrible year before it had even started. Or, on the other hand, I could challenge myself. Like when I tried to find a way out ten years ago, I could try to find a way now. A way to make this the best year of my life, despite the cards dealt saying I should fold.
I’ve taken a lot of inspiration over the years from different people. In this moment, no one seemed to resonate with me like Jesse Itzler. I’ve admired him through social media for many years and in this moment I felt like it was time to implement what he had taught me. I dove into his content and learned all I could. I wanted to join the calendar club, but with no clue about how my financial situation was going to pan out I decided to DIY it. I listened to podcasts, watched YouTube videos, read blog posts about him and put together my own version of what I thought was within calendar club.
I learned that Jesse sets one misogi, or year defining event each year. He has Kevin’s Law, which is a mini adventure every other month. He sets monthly challenges for himself, plans date nights, quarterly habits to build, and daily vitamins or small, easy to do things that just make each day a little better.
For me, I set my misogi as running my first ultramarathon. I haven’t planned it just yet since I don’t know where I’ll be living or what I’ll be doing for the remainder of the year, but it’s on paper and you can hold me to it. I have 6 mini-adventures wrote down, 24 date nights planned, 12 monthly challenges, 4 new habits to build, and a list of daily vitamins which I try to do at least 2 or 3 a day.
So far in January, I have:
Run a 6.55 mile trail run
Done 11 minutes or more a week in an ice bath
Gotten back to the gym and following my macros like I was before Christmas
Started journaling again using the 1-1-1 Method
Gone outdoor ice skating for date night
Met up for dinner with two friends I don’t see often
Spent time with family and friends
Gone to dinner, drinks, and duckpin bowling for a couple’s date night
Started getting excited about the possibility of a challenging new job
And I’m currently 2 days into a 3 day fast
Most importantly, I’m excited for February. I’m excited to continue to challenge myself. I’m excited to have another great month. I’m excited to connect even more with friends and with my girlfriend. I’m feeling grateful for all that I have. I’m ready to tackle this year and make it better than last year. It sounded impossible when I found out the news, but this just might be the impossible year.
Oh, and I’m also excited to eat again when this fast is over.